The Goal: Destroying your Ballot
When you receive your ballot from the poll-clerk, be careful. Hold the ballot gingerly between two fingers. If it moves, drop it immediately and step on it. If its stench bothers you, plug your nose. Examine the ballot. If you feel overwhelmed by the vast array of choices, then you are not at a polling station, you are in a supermarket. If the prospect of voting in this bogus democracy is repulsive, ask for another ballot. You are entitled to it under the Canada Elections Act. Is the second ballot better? If it is, you are either on medication or the poll clerk is playing a joke on you. If it isn't, you have no option but to put the thing out of its misery.
There are many ways to destroy a ballot. You can choose one of many options. As with voting, it doesn't matter what you choose, the end result is the same -- your ballot gets destroyed. The choice is superficial, but you may as well choose a method which best suits your style and wardrobe.
Here are some suggestions:
1) Rip it
2) Burn it
3) Use it as toilet paper
4) Roll it into a huge joint and smoke it
5) Eat it
6) Fold it into a crane
7) Fold it into a paper airplane and fly it out the window
8) Shove it up your nose
9) Dissolve it in acid
10) Make confetti out of it
11) Fold it into a dish (use it for peanuts, soy nuts, or as an ashtray)
Our favorite method: EATING YOUR BALLOT
The trick to cooking with ballots is to use lots of strong spices. This will mask the bitter taste of big business and money. As always when handling ballots, make sure to wash your hands thoroughly with soap and hot water. If you are concerned about coming into contact with the germs of corporate power, you might want to wear latex gloves.
Note: The Surgeon General warns that ballots are toxic and can be hazardous to your health. Eating one every four years probably won't kill you, but putting one in the ballot box probably will.
hahaha. i looked up local election laws, and desroying ballots is a felony. i'm not sure if they mean destroying your own ballot, or other people's, tho. but it would be kind of ironic, because then i wouldn't legally be allowed to vote.... it also says that if you "spoil" your ballot, you can ask for another. that's a weird way to put it.